Humor Random Comments Thread

[iamwearingpants]

 

[Eli13]

Dang Eli, where did you find all this cool stuff?

The internet.

BTW: Heat decoys are way cooler than randomly exploding Flankers, thank you very much.

 

[DanM]

The internet.

BTW: Heat decoys are way cooler than randomly exploding Flankers, thank you very much.

You've been going on r/militaryporn, haven't you?

 

[mojoey]

-__- maaybe :lol:

 

[iamwearingpants]

Hopefully a driver update will fix my Space Engine problems. :compbash:

 

[MaverickSawyer]

hsnap:

 

[ky]

Ahh, love F-15s.

 

[mojoey]

01
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take from anybody.
10
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.




to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 

[Eli13]

Ahh, love F-15s.

---------- Post added at 08:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:28 PM ----------

Oh, a list of pictures I've seen before... many times.

You've been going on r/militaryporn, haven't you?

Yes, thanks to you :b But that one is from Wikipedia, who got it from sources unknown to me. (In case anyone is wondering what that is, its a completely SFW site... )

01
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take from anybody.
10
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.




to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Always fun to read a myriad of Chuck Norris jokes that I've heard plenty of times before./sarcasm :dry: And that joke I've seen before.

 

[mojoey]

Oh, a list of pictures I've seen before... many times.



Yes, thanks to you :b But that one is from Wikipedia, who got it from sources unknown to me.




Always fun to read a myriad of Chuck Norris jokes that I've heard plenty of times before./sarcasm :dry:

One day The pope is being driven between Dallas and Los Angeles. He asks the driver if they can switch places, seeing as how the Pope never drove before. after a short explanation of how to drive the Pope climbed in the drivers seat, and the driver climbed in the passenger seat. After 20 miles, the pope was pulled over for speeding, the Texas State trooper recognized the Pope and called it into the dispatch 'Uhhh, shirley you aint gonna believe this, the pope is driving down Highway 23, over?' The dispatcher consulted the sector chief, and the chief okay'ed the pope, and he drove off with only a warning. that afternoon, after he got off work, the chief called an old CIA buddy to inform him of the event. The friend thanked him, and called someone else. 'Hey, larry... We're gonna have to move you. Chuck is to close to antarctica for comfort'

 

[ky]

Have you seen this one.?

 

[Eli13]

One day The pope is being driven between Dallas and Los Angeles. He asks the driver if they can switch places, seeing as how the Pope never drove before. after a short explanation of how to drive the Pope climbed in the drivers seat, and the driver climbed in the passenger seat. After 20 miles, the pope was pulled over for speeding, the Texas State trooper recognized the Pope and called it into the dispatch 'Uhhh, shirley you aint gonna believe this, the pope is driving down Highway 23, over?' The dispatcher consulted the sector chief, and the chief okay'ed the pope, and he drove off with only a warning. that afternoon, after he got off work, the chief called an old CIA buddy to inform him of the event. The friend thanked him, and called someone else. 'Hey, larry... We're gonna have to move you. Chuck is to close to antarctica for comfort'

:lol: I've heard that one before.

 

[Scav]

a multitude of pictures . . .

. . . which reminds this poster very much of the art of [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robotech"]Robotech[/ame]-ing.

 

[DanM]

This is now the military aircraft/computer problem/chuck norris thread. Not to say that is hasn't been jacked before.

 

[orbitingpluto]

I found something neat, and it is Urban Dead.

So you can figure out what it is, here is a link to [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_dead"]Wikipedia[/ame] about it,a link to TvTropes, and finally one to the Urban Dead Wiki. I myself learned of it via TvTropes, and was jazzed up enough to dive in.

I'd would like to point out I refrained from posting a link here until I had gotten better acquainted with the game; it seems to good me.

If anyone tries it and start playing, let me know about it. It would be good to know if there were some trusty Orbitnauts out there to help and be helped by.

 

[MaverickSawyer]

Got a link to another forum's thread with this as the lead post... Enjoy!

Leadership,

I normally don't share these with you but find myself needing to send the message that we are being watched. While not uncommon this particular individual has been keep a log of our flying events for some time. I expect you all to be professional and to expect scrutiny. Our industry demands it.

Carl's note to me while lengthy is not uncommon. My staff and I see many of these each week as you and your warriors exercise your right to hone your skills on low level training routes and in controlled airspace in preparation to defend this great nation when called.

My response and reply are at the end of his complaint.

VR
Mutha

CAPT Mark A. Hubbard USN
Commander
Strike Fighter Wing Pacific




----->> To: Hubbard, Mark A CAPT CSFWP Commodore
Cc: White, Michael S RDML(S) NPC, Pers-4
Subject: Noise Complaint

Captain Hubbard,

I am having an issue with noise that is generated by aircraft based at NAS Lemoore (and elsewhere), specifically, with their use of a low level military training route that your command is the controlling authority for. Rather than deal with mere underlings, I thought it best to go directly to the source of "where the buck stops". That would be you.

My home is located in a rural area of California's Sacramento Valley. I was unaware that when I purchased this home 21 years ago, it was located directly under the centerline of VR-201 (or VR-202, I can't remember which one it is), at GPS coordinates N39.38.610 W121.48.710, 210' MSL (according to the GPS in my car). Over the last 21 years, I have been subjected to the repeated injustices, insults to my eardrums, and affronts to my sensibilities as an American Taxpayer, that your jets have been responsible for. In the early 90's the use of this low level training route was frequent, but I tolerated it nonetheless. From about 1995 until early this year, use of this route was only occasional and sporadic, so I could generally overlook the issue. However, in the last three weeks, there has been a noticeable increase it its use. Specifically, I have observed the following,

1. August 30th, 1135 AM PDT - A single F-18

2. September 18th, 1430 PM PDT - A single EA-6B

3. September 19th, 1120 AM PDT - A single F-18

4. September 19th, 1145 AM PDT - A single F-18

Here is my specific complaint.....


1. None of these overflights were low enough...

2. None of these overflights were loud enough......

3. And, none of these overflights were fast enough!!!

As an American Taxpayer, I pay good, hard earned money, to provide your young Naval Aviators the best training possible. For that money, I EXPECT to get something for it. If my house is not shaken to its foundation, if the windows do not rattle in their frames, I judge this display of airmanship as incredibly weak. All of these jets listed above, were so high, that I could not tell if the Hornets were Super Hornets or Legacy Hornets (the Electic-6 was unmistakable). These jets were so high, that after one of them flew by, my wife looked at me and said, "That fly-by is so wimpy, you should call it a "Whisperjet".

The ultimate goal is to earn a five-star rating, as viewed by me. To earn a five-star rating, your jets should create enough noise to break at least one window in the house. Not since '92-'93 has that happened. At the time, a flight of eight jets in a combat spread formation passed over my house at about 200' AGL, approximately 500+ knots. This flight consisted of four Hornets, two Intruders and two Turkeys. The thundering noise was awesome! Not only did I have to replace a few windows, but several of my neighbors did as well!! That was a fly-by truly worthy of Naval Aviators.

As a former naval Aviator (back in the day, we flew Lot V Hornets with planning link failures and collapsed landing gear), I am hugely embarrassed for my younger brethren. You and your young naval Aviators should be ashamed, for you have subjected me and my family to the indignity of these transgressions. My son, who is a KC-135 pilot in the Air Force has observed some these so-called "fly-bys", and has said that even his jet makes more noise when it is at 5,000' at cruise power settings.

As you know, to fly the American flag upside down is a sign of distress. Perhaps you should bring in the young Naval Aviators responsible for these affronts to our dignity, and instruct them to wear their Wings of Gold upside down on their flight suits the next time they visit the O'Club, as a sign of their humility and penance for committing these transgressions.

Very respectfully,

Carl A. Raabe
VFA-113 (circa '87-'90)

-----Original Message-----
From: Hubbard, Mark A CAPT CSFWP Commodore





Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 5:15 PM
To: Carl Raabe
Cc: White, Michael S RDML(S) NPC, Pers-4; Black, Mark E CAPT CSFWP Deputy Commodore; Nelson, Todd M. CDR CSFWP OPS; [email protected]
Subject: RE: Noise Complaint

Carl,

I assure you that this has my fullest attention. I have directed my Operation team to investigate these repeated injustices and to bring me the names of all the guilty parties. I am expecting to receive a briefing from my Operation Officer early next week. In the mean time I have asked my staff to review our SOP, route descriptions, and tactical training procedures to ensure we have the guidance in place to achieve the "The five-star rating".

In fact, once we are complete with our investigation I personally plan to survey the route myself to ensure we have not overlooked any training opportunities and will encourage others to do so as well.

I firmly believe that if we do not use these training routes to their fullest we may in fact loose them all together. Thankfully, we have great Americans like you who remind us that there are still some that appreciate the "Sound of Freedom". For that reminder I applaud your letter and tenacity to go directly to the top!

I would like to offer by way of apology an opportunity to re-blue the resonance of jet noise that will in fact shake you to the bone. If you and your wife would be my guest at our air show I would be honored. I have a limited number of VIP seats but would like to send you an invite to attend either Saturday the 15th or Sunday the 16th of October.

If you would be so kind to send me your address I will have an invitation in the mail in short order.
Sir, it would be an honor to make your acquaintance.

Proud to Serve,
Mutha

CAPT Mark A. Hubbard USN
Commander
Strike Fighter Wing Pacific


-----Original Message-----
From: Carl Raabe
Sent: Friday, September 23, 2011 17:28
To: Hubbard, Mark A CAPT CSFWP Commodore
Cc: White, Michael S RDML(S) NPC, Pers-4; Black, Mark E CAPT CSFWP Deputy Commodore; Nelson, Todd M. CDR CSFWP OPS; [email protected]
Subject: RE: Noise Complaint

Captain Hubbard,

Thank you for your prompt and complete attention to this matter.

I am indeed encouraged and heartened by your rapid response to these past travesties. I am confident that your forcefulness in placing your hands firmly on the helm of this issue will pay dividends for all us... Your young aviators will get the training they truly deserve, the country will be better served by having the most competent aviators in the world, and I will get my "5 star rated" fly-bys. What more can we ask for?

Your leadership on this issue is exemplary, and is a credit to you and the Naval Service. I would be most pleased to favorably endorse your next FitRep accordingly, to ensure that the next promotion board is fully aware of your outstanding contribution to our country and the Naval Service.

If I may be of additional service, I will gladly assist your staff in any capacity as they pursue the work you have assigned them in reviewing this military training route. Even if the contribution is as small as providing occasional critiques of the aviator's route performance (from the comfort of my lounge chair by the pool), I will answer the call.

Your offer to accommodate both my wife and I as your guests at the Lemoore air show is both gracious and generous, and is a sign of your stellar leadership. Accordingly, we humbly accept your offer with great gratitude.
We would be honored to attend the air show on Saturday, 15 October.

We look forward to meeting you, and being a part of this great event.

Best regards,

Carl & Gale Raabe

P.S. There is an answer to the above question, "What more can we ask for?"..... My wife says that attending this air show, with its "bone-shaking" jet noise, will hopefully, finally shut me up. She has had to tolerate the last 21 years in this house of my complaints about not enough jet noise and afterburners (on active duty, that need was satisfied by endless hours on the LSO platform on the Connie and Indy, and countless hours at the LSO shack out at NASL 32L). She has repeatedly stated that my complaints are louder than the jet noise, and she wants that changed.

 

[PhantomCruiser]

I'll be hearing some "sound of freedom" here in a few days. My surrogate daughter is stationed at Pensacola fot "A" school. And as it happens the Blue Angels "homecoming" show is this weekend...

"NAVY wings are made of gold!"

 

[Notebook]

Re: #4199 above

This flight consisted of four Hornets, two Intruders and two Turkeys.

Two Turkeys? I give in whats a Turkey.

N.

 

[Pyromaniac605]

So according to O-F, Arguing about religious beliefs = Bad and arguing about whether or not to beat children = A-okay. :dry:

Probably best to move on.

 

[RisingFury]

So according to O-F, Arguing about religious beliefs = Bad and arguing about whether or not to beat children = A-okay. :dry:

The biggest irony here is that the three large religions all advocate beating kids.